How to flirt: 20 Steps (With Picture)

Flirting, basically, is a way to meet those people who might be interested in dating you on a romantic date. Start flirting and out might seem stressful, but fear not: it is normal to be nervous with someone you like seriously and there are ways to look confident and a successful flirtation. Whether you are going to flirt via text message, Internet or in person, it will be important to maintain a balance between showing your feelings and maintaining intrigue. If you want to learn how to do it and have some help getting to know someone, then read the steps below.

Method 1.

Flirt in person

How to flirt
Image Source: WikiHow

1. Make eye contact

This is the easiest way to start flirting. You can look her intensely in the eyes, but stop doing it for a while to prevent her from becoming too intense. You could use it in the following ways:

  • Let the person catch you while looking at you. Do not observe it, but look at it from time to time. Keep doing it until it catches you. They cross their eyes for a second, smile and look away.
  • Look her in the eye when you talk to her, especially at the most important points of the talk (for example, while you give her a compliment).
  • Wink or arch your eyebrows. Yes, it is threshed, but it works if used sparingly. Do it when you look at someone who is on the other side of the room or if you are going to talk in a group and say something that really goes for that person.
  • The girls can try to look at the boy, look down and look at him again.
How to flirt

2. Smile

 You may do so immediately when you speak to the person you like, but you can use your whitish teeth in your favor before the talk begins. You can smile at him when you pass by him in the hallways or on the other side of the room. You also don’t have to smile from ear to ear, it will only be necessary to make a subtle smile. Try the variations below:

  • Smile slowly. If you look at someone, but you don’t talk to him, try to get your smile to form slowly instead of instantly from ear to ear. These types of smiles are generally considered sexy.
  • Smile when you make eye contact. If you are suddenly looking at someone’s eyes, smile at him so that you are more attractive (if it is a genuine smile, the other will see it without even seeing your mouth, because your eyes will wrinkle, this is known as “Duchenne’s smile “).
  • Try to smile with your eyes, not just with your mouth. Make your whole face light up when you do.
How to flirt

3. Start Talking

 Introduce yourself or keep the mystery (optional). If you still don’t know the person you’re going to flirt with, introducing yourself (or not) could be excellent to start doing. Avoid the need to throw a threshed compliment; Say hello and introduce yourself immediately or ask a simple question will be much more effective and less forced.

  • If the person you like doesn’t know your name and you are sociable by nature, try to introduce yourself at some point. It could be something as simple as “Hello, my name is [your name] and you are …?” Be sure to hear his name. To remember it, repeat it after you say it (“Liliana, what a beautiful name!”).
  • But if you want to be more like a challenge, try to keep your identity hidden for a while. If the other really wants to meet you, he will ask you and follow you.
How to flirt

4. Start the conversation. 

Whether you know the other person or not, talking will be the best tactic to start flirting. She will be impressed with your boldness and confidence. We recommend the following:

  • Talk to someone you still don’t know. Perhaps the best way to start a conversation is to say an observation that ends with a question: “It’s amazing how much it has rained this week” or “The place is full, isn’t it?” What you say will not be important, you will only be inviting the other to speak.
  • Look for affinities with someone you don’t know. If you’ve already met him personally, start a talk based on his shared experiences or hobbies. For example, you could talk about the class they took together or the train they take to go to work. We reiterate to you, the subject itself is not important, but you will be inviting it to interact with you.
  • Interpret the answer. If the person responds pleasantly, keep talking with her. If he doesn’t do it or seems worried or carefree, he may have no interest in flirting with you.
How to flirt

5. Keep a carefree tone

Don’t mention anything too personal. Talk about the environment around you, the program you just watched, etc. Avoid personal information (religion, money, relationships, education, etc.), unless the other person enjoys intellectual debates without exasperating. In general, it is best to avoid controversial issues that are important to either of them (such as your religion or theirs), and rather talk about issues in which both do not have a defined stance.

  • It will be easier to flirt when talking about more fun and carefree topics, such as your pets, reality TV shows or your favorite places to vacation. With this we do not intend to tell you that you will have to be silly to flirt, only that you will have to relax and avoid deep talks for a while.
  • Be playful That is, do not take it too seriously, be a little silly, flirt as a game or talk about something a little out of the ordinary or unexpected. Nor will you have to press too hard during the course of the talk.
How to flirt

6. Use body language to express your intentions

Nonverbal signs can express much more about your intentions than with words, so be sure to communicate them. Try the following:

  • Maintain an “open” posture. Do not cross your arms or legs, because they are usually signs that indicate that you want to isolate yourself from the other.
  • Direct your body in the direction of the other person. Stand or sit so that you are facing the boy or girl with whom you are going to flirt. Turn your torso toward her or point your feet in that direction.
  • Break the “physical barrier.” To initiate a casual physical contact, touch her arm while you speak or walk very close so that you rub with it “accidentally”.
  • Play with your hair (girls). Playing with your hair is usually a sign of nervousness, which will be positive if you like the other person. You will have to let him know that you are nervous because it means that you are interested in. To express it consciously, slowly turn a wick of your hair with your finger while you speak.
How to flirt

7. Break the physical barrier

The first time you touch that special person, be careful not to “grab it.” Depending on the area, the contact should last longer so that it is not seen as accidental, but not more. Avoid grabbing your hand or arm, rather try touching it as if you were cleaning something on your arm or touching your feet or hands “by accident” without leaving immediately.

  • The other person will be able to reject that type of contact without humiliating you or offending you, so if it is not ready for it, you will not have to force it to reject you completely.
How to flirt

8. Flatter that person almost at the beginning of the conversation

It might seem very straightforward, but letting you know that you are interested in dating her before a solid friendship begins to develop will be the easiest way to get away from the friend zone. Be sure of yourself and don’t let the opportunity slip away, because you’ll never know if another one will appear. We will present some techniques to try:

  • Look the person in the eye while you compliment him. Looking away accidentally could imply that you are not sincere.
  • Lower the tone and volume of your voice slightly. Complimenting with a slightly lower tone than usual will make it sound more intimate and sexy. In addition, you could also persuade him to get closer to you and to listen to you.
  • Take advantage of the hobbies of the person you like so much. If you know that you are dating (or are interested) with another, you can use it in your favor to make it a compliment.
  • Try to link the compliment in the conversation. For example, if the girl you like tells you that she had a bad day, you could say something like “I don’t like to see someone so pretty feeling so bad. What can I do to help you?”.
  • Be careful to make him complied with his physical appearance. A girl might like the fact that you noticed her eyes, but she might consider you a freak if you tell her she has a good body too soon. Go for the safe and limit yourself by flattering the following physical traits:
    • eyes
    • smile
    • lips
    • hair
    • hands
How to flirt

9. Try to make your interactions short

Remember that the key to increasing demand is to decrease supply, so try to limit your interactions so that you only flirt. Do not talk to him every day. Make it something special, something only a few times a week.

  • Don’t let the talks go on for more than 5 to 10 minutes. The longer they last, the greater the chances of awkward silences.
  • Let the other person approach you. After making the effort to start the interaction and get her attention, step back a little and see if she tries to keep making conversation. This could be a good tactic to know your interest and will also create some tension.
How to flirt

10. Close the deal

If your flirting has been successful so far and you want to know the other person more, it will be time to know if you can turn it into an appointment. These are some tactics that you can use:

  • Ask him if he has plans for a certain day. For example, you could say, “And what are you going to do on Saturday night?” Try to make the question open, not one that is answered with a “yes” or “no”, so it will give you more information. Don’t ask him what he is going to do tonight or tomorrow. Try to schedule an appointment a few days later so you don’t see yourself as someone obviously desperate.
  • Suggest a specific event and ask if he would like to go with you. If you try to organize a group outing, this will be the best tactic. You could say: “Several of us are going to watch a movie on Friday and I would love you to go with us.”
  • Be direct. If you feel very safe, be an unpretentious killer. For example, you could say something like “I would love to invite you out. When you are free?”.

Method 2.

Flirt by text message or chat

How to flirt

1. Try to approach in a very casual way

Don’t be nervous to the point of forgetting the essential skills to talk. Rather, try to be calm and create a conversation with little pressure. If you have never chatted with the person on the Internet before, you could invent an excuse to talk to him, you could ask him something about the tasks or talk about the sports team they both like. If you’re sending a text message to someone for the first time, make sure that person knows who you are and doesn’t panic. Here are some ways to start a conversation via text message or chat:

  • “Hello, how are you doing?”.
  • “Did you see/hear [write the event they both know here]?”
  • “How is your week going?”.
How to flirt

2. Don’t talk about yourself in excess

Most people feel very comfortable talking about themselves because it is a subject they know by heart. Instead of opting for the easy path and talk about yourself incessantly, encourage the other to talk about himself. Although you can (and should) comment on certain personal information so I can ask you questions. The key will be to let him be interested in what is related to you.

  • This tactic actually serves two things: in addition to continuing the conversation, it will allow you to learn more about the person you like.
  • To perform this step, you will not necessarily have to know in advance certain information about the other person. If you still don’t know her very well, you could ask her the following:
    • “How was your day?”
    • “And what do you do in your spare time?”
  • If, on the other hand, if you know that person a little, focus on a hobby or hobby that you know you like. For example, you may be a fan of a TV show or know that you love reading. Say “do you like Glee? Hehe there is a new season on the Fox channel ”or“ which character do you like the most? It will be excellent to start the conversation.
How to flirt

3. Determine when to press for more information

You can keep the conversation alive without going too deeply into personal matters. For example, asking him exactly what he likes about marathons would be a good idea; asking for more details about their family relationships or close friendships would be too much and too soon. You can say it as a flirtatious joke so that it does not seem too serious or as if you were interviewing it. Here are some ways to ask for more information by flirting:

  • “So are you going to spend the night online or do you have more exciting plans for tonight?”
  • “Are you going to beat everyone in tonight’s game?”
  • “I have noticed that there is a very nice kitten in your profile picture. Do you spend most of your time with him? ”
How to flirt

4. Flatter the person you like so much at the beginning of the conversation

 Do not cower or skip this step, because while it might seem difficult, it is extremely important. A compliment will imply that you are potentially interested in dating as more than friends and thus avoid falling into the dreaded area of ​​friendship. If you don’t give that person a compliment and only talk friendly, it could be too late next time. You could use some of the following basic compliments:

  • If you still do not know the person you like very well, but you are striving to do so, use a compliment oriented to that end. Say something like “It’s so easy to talk to you” or “I can’t believe I’m meeting someone as interesting as you.”
  • Try to link the compliment with the conversation. For example, if the girl you like tells you that she had a bad day, you could say something like “I don’t like to see someone so pretty feeling so bad. What can I do to help you?”.
How to flirt

5. I am daring

If none of the suggested phrases attract you, as a last resort make a bold compliment. Try some of the possibilities below and use the adjective that best describes that special person or put the one you think is best:

  • “I hope you know that you are the most beautiful/beautiful/wonderful person with whom I like to talk the most.”
  • “Sorry if what I’m going to tell you is very straightforward, but I have to tell you that you are an amazing/amazing/very beautiful person / etc.”
How to flirt

6. Do not be very intense

Avoid compliments full of feelings very early. Leaving the person slightly intrigued about the intensity of your feelings for her could make you look more attractive and give you a touch of mystery. The point is not that the other person wonders if you are attracted to him, but that he thinks how much. If you say openly: “I am in love with you” or “I always thought you were very sexy,” then you will be subtracting the mystery of the equation.

  • Rather, you could send him a text message or message that says: “Today you looked very nice with your new sweater” or another cute and flirty comment without confessing everything.
How to flirt

7. Convince the person you like to be conquered instead of you

While flirting will have to let you know that you like it, you should not give the impression of having to make every effort. Rather, you should flatter her enough so she knows you’re interested, but leave her with the question of how big your interest is. To achieve this, try to make objective, not subjective, compliments. Here are some examples:

  • “I really like your eyes, they are so pretty” This compliment at first glance seems fine and maybe I value it. However, a very common mistake in expressing a romantic compliment is to constantly use the words “I like / love” and then add the corresponding feature. Thus, the other will know that he has conquered your heart, which will be excellent if you have already forged a solid relationship, but by telling him at the beginning you might seem “very easy to conquer.”
  • “You have very pretty eyes” While both sentences technically express that you like their eyes, this is rather an observation than a personal opinion. It implies that this person seems attractive, but does not confirm it immediately. For this reason, the recipient will be flattered and interested in knowing how attractive you consider it.
How to flirt

8. Take your hair slightly

Since you cannot use your body language to communicate via text message or chat, you will have to depend on your words to maintain a carefree and fun tone. At first, make use of internal jokes (based on events in which both were present), sarcasm (“Yes, when you tell me you look like an ogre in the morning, I BELIEVE YOU”) and exaggeration (“Sure you are a million times better than me in that ”).

  • Make it clear that you’re kidding. The disadvantage of using text to communicate is that you will not always be able to read the emotion behind the words. If you are going to flirt with someone teasing you, make sure you imply that it is a joke. To express it, you can use smileys, winks, use capital letters or exclamation marks. Just do not use them excessively, or the other will begin to see it as something trite.
    • If you have already sent something that could be misunderstood, leave the meaning as clear as water. Say something like: “(joke)” or “(lie).”
How to flirt

9. Always leave the person you like eagerly for more

Even if you want to continue sending messages throughout your life, it is best to leave before the conversation goes out (since all conversations must end at some point). The best way to avoid an awkward pause will be to retire before it happens. Finishing the talk at a good time will make the other one want to chat with you.

  • Organize the next meeting before you go. Say something like “See you tomorrow?” Or “See you soon.”
  • If you are going to chat, write that you enjoyed the talk before you left. It doesn’t have to be complicated, it will only be necessary to say: “It was amazing” or “I had a good time talking to you”. If you are going to send a text message, you could be a bit more casual.
  • Be careful, do not make too many compliments. Compliments will have much less impact if you do them to flatter all their positive traits. Rather, save them for when you want to tell them meaningful things that are important to that person (such as flattering a skill that gives them great pride).
How to flirt

10. Don’t take it so seriously

Remember that flirting is supposed to be something fun and if your efforts are not successful, do not feel devastated, because not all the talks will be perfect. Stay optimistic and try again with another person. As with everything, the ability to flirt improves with practice. You also don’t have to have a goal, you don’t necessarily have to end up on a date. Sometimes, you just want to flirt because it’s fun, not because you want to get somewhere.

  • Flirting will help you meet new people, feel more comfortable and learn to socialize. You don’t have to push yourself to mean something or be perfect.


  • When you flirt, don’t complain. Remember that the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much, others may consider you a depressing person and will avoid you. The same goes if you constantly insult yourself, which is not to be humble, rather it is another way of being self-centered.
  • If you flirt online, keep in mind not to declare so much, since when they meet in person it will be easier for you to be nervous.
  • Do not use your phone (that is, do not send text messages) while flirting with someone, but you will show that you are more interested in talking to someone who is not there or that you already have a relationship.
  • If you are flirting with a girl and plan to break the physical barrier, try to do it with impeccable manners, for example, offer your hand when you need it to maintain balance (when entering or leaving a car or when passing over a puddle or any other irregular surface). How do you respond when you offer your hand? Does she seem receptive or hurries to release you?
  • Use the appropriate flirting for each occasion. Meeting in a library or on a noisy dance floor may not be the best place to talk. In these cases, smile, be interested and wait for a spontaneous moment to find her at the bar or in the lobby. Just don’t follow her if you’re not going to talk to her about your nerves, but you’ll seem like a freak. Talk to her at the first opportunity you have.
  • Do not flirt with someone who does not interest you on a loving level, unless you are 100% sure that the other person is not interested in you, but you will run the risk of giving them false hopes, which could cause a shameful moment and unpleasant interactions later.
  • Leave any need you have. Feeling in need is a precursor to obsession, something creepy. People in need are unstable because their happiness depends heavily on others and they do not have a stable level of self-esteem. If you project the image that you will be devastated if a person does not want to be your friend or sentimental partner, the carefreeness that makes flirting fun is extinguished.
  • It is not always appropriate to flirt everywhere. For example, neither funerals nor workplaces are recommended places to do so. If you want to flirt at work, try to behave in the best way and don’t be insistent if the other person is not interested.
  • If you don’t feel comfortable asking for his phone number, try giving him yours. If you are really interested, she will call you. Another option will be to give your email.


In some contexts, flirting may be unwanted. This type of flirting can be considered sexual abuse. This act hurts the victim on an emotional level and could also be illegal or at least violate workplace or school policies.

Image Source: WikiHow

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