Pregnancy brought a lot of questions and anxieties. But if you thought that once the birth had passed, motherhood would be a long calm river, think again: new questions and fears appear once mom.
Fear # 1: What if I was not a good mother?
How to relativize? To begin with, if you ask yourself this question, it is because you care about the well-being of your child. If you care, it’s already a very good start and that means you’ll do everything you can to get there. So, there is no reason. Like any parent, you will have moments of doubt, you will make mistakes … But you will learn at the same time as your child.
Fear # 2: What if my baby develops a serious illness?
How to relativize? The health of your child is probably the biggest concern of a parent. At each ultrasound, you hold your breath until the doctor tells you that everything is fine. But now that Loulou has arrived, this fear does not disappear completely. Indeed, there are pathologies that we can not always determine in utero like certain genetic diseases or autism. The risk exists but you do not have the power to prevent it. Your role as parents is to stay alert to abnormal signs and accompany your child during care if necessary. However, these diseases affect a minority of people, so just enjoy your little bit for now.
Fear # 3: Will my child grow up in a safe world?
How to relativize? With recent events, many parents are wondering about the world in which their children will evolve. The threat of attacks is present, without forgetting the economic and political problems that undermine your morale. High hearts: it is up to you to wrap your baby in a cocoon of love and serenity, without sparing him of reality.
Fear # 4: What if my child had trouble making friends?
How to relativize? You want your child to be fulfilled and he does not stay alone in his corner. As he prepares to enter nursery or kindergarten, you can not wait for him to come home in the evening to talk about his classmates. Still, do not be too worried, even if he does not have a band of buddies established from the first day. Again, your listening and your vigilance will determine if a real problem exists or if it just takes a little more time to sympathize.
Fear # 5: Will my romantic and sexual relationship with my man change?
How to relativize? Hooked on by your role as a mom, you are afraid that your couple will suffer. Not to mention the stigma of pregnancy (stretch marks, pounds or acne) that make you doubt your ability to please your spouse. Indeed, the arrival of a child upset the balance of the couple. You do not think for two, but for three. Some couples sometimes go through a difficult post-partum period, which we call baby clash. Between tiredness accumulated with a baby who does not sleep, incomprehension and some resentments, the course can be difficult to pass. Very supportive couples seem to have a harder time adjusting to their new lives and to accept themselves as part of a trio. Since there is a strong fusional feeling between the mother and her baby, the father may feel brutally excluded. The key is not to steer and communicate. To break this loop where everyone has the impression that the other no longer wants, we must be vigilant and admit that difficulties are normal and transient. Little by little, everything will return to order, but in a different order from the pre-existing one at birth. Living as a couple is an adventure that requires mental flexibility.
Fear # 6: I’m never going to succeed in leading my life as a mother and my career
How to relativize? Whether you have fully decided or not, you will return to work, a few months/years after the arrival of your child. When you see how much time a child takes, especially at a young age, you wonder how you manage to manage your job and your new obligations as a mother. It certainly requires organization and a good dose of will (and well-deserved rest!). One of the keys to managing everything is the communication: if you have a big file to make at the same time as the last year’s holiday party, perhaps you’d better talk to your boss and to offer him other solutions … Likewise with your spouse, who, for once, can take charge of one of your tasks at home to let you work. Finally,
Fear 7: What if I could not enforce my authority to my child?
How to relativize? Since you are a mom, you realize that you do not always have enough grip on your children. What’s more, you wonder a lot about how to make your authority respect your Loulou. How to win against his little rascals, without going for a “tyrant”? Being a “cool” parent, is it easier? What are the limits and consequences? Know that there is not one but several ways to succeed to be heard. Discover our 10 ways to be obeyed by toddlers!
Fear n ° 8: he broods something, that’s for sure
How to relativize? At the slightest “Atchoum” or if her cheeks are a little pinker than usual, you are sure that your Loulou is sick. If it is less than 25 degrees outside, it is limited if you do not put a sweater and a scarf, so that it does not catch a cold. Rest assured, this is a lot of a lot of moms worried enough about the health of their child. Your vigilance is a good thing, but be careful not to over-hatch it. He needs to create defenses, by confronting the world around him.
Fear # 9: Can I really tell a babysitter?
How to relativize? Do you have trouble cutting the cord with your baby? Even when he is with your loved ones, are you still a little worried? And now, now you’re going to leave it to a childminder, staff nursery or babysitter … It is certain that it is not easy to entrust her child to a stranger. But to begin, you do not really have a choice, except if you can / want to stay at home. Secondly, it is important for your child to evolve with another authority than yours, for his autonomy. Finally, you can absolutely take the time to choose the right person, one that will reassure you. For example, did you think of granny nannies? Rather than a young student to keep your toddler an evening, more and more seniors offer their child care services. Maybe you will have more confidence in someone who has already raised their own children and grandchildren …
Fear # 10: What if we did not agree on the education of our children with Dad?
How to relativize? Not easy to raise a child to two … Since birth, you have never been so bickering. Do not panic: in education, disagreements are inevitable between parents. It remains to find common ground for a coherent discourse. The essential thing is to show solidarity with your child, even if you express your differences one-on-one.